Recently someone asked me “what is the biggest clash you’ve experienced here in terms of culture, with your home culture in England?”. Gosh, what a question!!
The truth of it is that it’s difficult to put into words. Even more so when I’m not expecting the question and I have to try to express such a complex issue in a language that is not my native language! I’d never really thought about the biggest clash before, and I can’t really give a neat one-line answer to that question. There are various things that are very different. The ability people have here to speak their mind honestly, without being super super cautious of not causing offence. (I told my sister of an occasion when someone literally said “nah, I don’t like your skirt” when asked their opinion about clothing, and she literally squirmed thinking of saying that to someone!) The difference there is in planning meet-ups- here all very spontaneous and last minute, in England (on the whole) fairly meticulous, planned out and the date shared with people way in advance. The culture being so laid back here that it’s chill, and expected, that you will arrive late to wherever you’re going. These are just three examples of differences, but I’m not sure I’d say they were big clashes. Just differences in ways of living which you get used to and eventually come a bit more natural to you over time.
I think the thing that clashes the most, is how living in a different culture can make you feel.
Culture is ingrained in us from the moment we were born. You’re taught certain morals, standards and unwritten rules of how you’re supposed to behave. Your whole worldview and perspective is so much down to culture and what you grow up with. And when you live in a foreign country, these things are turned upside down and you have to start again, learning what is right and wrong in this culture. Picking up social cues, following the guide of other people. Sometimes getting it wrong and maybe offending people. Yourself sometimes getting offended by something that is rude in your culture but not in the culture that you’re in.
And suddenly lots of things are changing. Things that before were integral parts of yourself, which you didn’t even realise were there, need to change. You question your identity. Who am I now, if these things that were so important to me before don’t carry the same value here? What is me and what is influence from my culture?
You go unseen. You feel misunderstood. People don’t understand you, inherently as you are, without you adapting and changing so that you’re acceptable in this culture.
You change. You feel what you thought was an integral part of yourself being stripped away, eroded, changed.
And all the while, you face this on your own. People don’t understand what you’re going through, because they don’t understand your home culture, people don’t see the things that are difficult for you, your daily battles.
But little by little you start getting it. There are still difficult days- there will always be difficult days- but you learn. You adapt. You change. You find out what is really important to you, and you take on some of the cultural values that are important for where you are currently living. You can see the things that are different and celebrate in the good from both sides.
If you’re lucky, like me, you are surrounded by people who have learnt to love you, and you them, despite the differences.
You can look on yourself, with pride, seeing the ways that you have grown as a person. The ways that you have been challenged and the good that has come from it. The strength that you have for enduring the hard times. The joy you have when you felt seen, understood, and when you have good days.
And whilst there will still be hard days, things that are tough and challenging for you, you wouldn’t change it.
You thank God for his faithfulness. That he, of all people, understands what it’s like to feel different, to feel like you don’t fit, to feel far from home. And as I said, you wouldn’t change it. The experiences that have made you grow as a person and will equip you to help anyone going through the same thing who may come across your path. To help them feel at least a little bit seen, understood and accepted.
So I would say the biggest clash, in large part, is the sudden confrontation of yourself. Who you are, without the influence of your culture all around you, and all the feelings that this brings up.
Nadia's Adventures 